you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
