so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
