It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
