you would pick up someone in the library
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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