I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
