I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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