so that wasnt chicken after all
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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