So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
