Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
