how do flat chested girls get laid?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
