oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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