How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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