Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
