i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
