I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
