butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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