Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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