I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
