New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
