I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
