Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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