I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
