I got chris browned last night
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
