I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
then he tried to convert me to islam
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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