remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ugly people sure do ruin things
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
