I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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