you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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