Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
