he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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