how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
