I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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