so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She bit a glass in half.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
