last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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