It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
