My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
