Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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