real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
