it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
