apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
