Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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