you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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