I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
