We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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