does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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