i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
