I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
soo... how was my night?
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