I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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