Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
