He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
