I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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