He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
