so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
