Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
