Pappa wants mamma naked
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
