Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
