i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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