I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
