so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my vag is so smooth its legendary
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
