why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
