Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
