i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
