Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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