porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
