We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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