I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
