I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
