my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
