Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
