Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
