so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
