you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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