I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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