dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
