I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
