I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
