i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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