If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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