i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
