I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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