maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We don't watch enough power rangers
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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