what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
