Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
