My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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