The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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