Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
