My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
