Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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