he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize