wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
