I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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