Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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