I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
