if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
