what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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