Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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