After last night, I could never be a politician.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
