Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
