Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
