Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
