the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
