you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
