They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
