woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
